Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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