I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
