Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
