and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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