We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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