don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
