i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
