Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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