oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
