yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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