We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
