They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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