I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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