i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
