We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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