sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
