There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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