i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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