then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
