I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
