Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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