Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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