sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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