mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
