i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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