She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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