who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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