Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
