Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
