I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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