I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
