and you said cock pushups were impossible
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
