do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize