If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
