What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
