no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
