moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
