so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
