You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
