So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
