Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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