whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
