she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
