its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
