It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
