coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
