Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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