Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
