i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
