So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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