ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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