I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
