she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
