My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
