Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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