its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
