How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
