I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think my moral compass just broke
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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