Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
