I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
