I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
