All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Houston, we have a blender
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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