dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
