i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
