I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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