I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
