Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
