i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize