You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
a search helicopter?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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