38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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