His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
