My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize