dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
