why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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