me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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