dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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